I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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