Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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