i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
