bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
