i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
