I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this will be a night to untag.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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