Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
