It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
