First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
