I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
