...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
