Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
