i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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