I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
