i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
