I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
