I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
