spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
