You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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