I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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