He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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