An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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