im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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