dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
