stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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