It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
