Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
