You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
