what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
