News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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