The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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