for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
