You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
