shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
