Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
