Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
