so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
