I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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