my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
