you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
