your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
