We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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