This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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