So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
