Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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