So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
