Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
