If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I cannot find my penis.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
