No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
this just has baby written all over it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
FUCK WHALES
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