Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
