there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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