Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We left the knife in your bed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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