we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
