So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
