Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
