U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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