please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
